Voices of Integrity

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A podcast about Voices Of Integrity for Marriages - Hurt & Healing

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Specific Topics

1- Hurt & Heal ~ Case Study Going Back To Teenage Years

" In a marriage, what do you do when ... "The thing ... isn't the thing ... how do you find out what the thing is? "

Find Out

Solution?

In a marriage, what do you do when ... "The thing ... isn't the thing ... how do you find out what the thing is?" 
We appreciate Jason and Melissa being willing to be transparent and vulnerable in what Jason shared from the Hurt & Healing worksheet. Go ahead ... try this exercise with your spouse and see if you have a mind blowing breakthrough. ~ click here for the worksheet you and work from ~
Now ... be forewarned ... there's some drama ... some triggers ... which if you are connected to family, you may find to be "oh yea, that happens a lot" but if you're not familiar, you may be "What the ____?" Stick with it as it's interesting.
Have you ever experienced where someone shared with you that your feelings were important only to ... well ... when you share your feelings they dismiss them or maybe even worse they hijack your feelings with their own feelings and they turn drama into trauma?

In the book "A God Shaped Brain" they talk about how love / flow is broken when there is a lie. It doesn't mean someone is lying to us or us lying to someone else, you can have two people telling what they both believe to be the truth and both are lying / hearing a lie. What's up with that?
Audio Podcast
In the book "Mistakes Were Made ... but not by me" ... it uses many pages to share how people get something in their mind and it doesn't matter how many people share something against what they wanted to believe and if something is shared they will be cynics ... or worse, won't even hear something that goes contrary to what they WANT to believe what they want to FEEL.

Hmmm ... maybe ... if someone can't connect the dots on how they have hurt other people maybe they aren't able to connect the dots on how they can be healed?

Hmmm ... what do you do to help someone see something they don't want to see? Who do we see the truth? How do you help someone connect the dots if they mentally don't connect the dots?   
Video Podcast

2- Getting In Flow - Keeping In Flow

" So ... how often do you feel so much in flow with your spouse you feel like it's heaven on earth? And ... What about the opposite being true? "

Stream

Solution?

So ... how often do you feel so much in flow with your spouse you feel like it's heaven on earth? And ... What about the opposite being true? What causes things to be out of flow? How can we be properly sensitive to the needs and wants of our spouse? How do we see the truth? How do we help to make sure that we aren't taking advantage of our spouse or that they are taking advantage of us?

We learn from Ira today on how to be a sensitive husband and the benefits that can come from that.
Audio Podcast
This is a most interesting podcast that has a number of surprise turns and can be overwhelming - in a good way, we hope. Share this with two other people you know and let us know your thoughts on this.  
Video Podcast

3- Marriages Struggles - When Grief Entered

 If you or your family has suffered a loss, this may help. This podcast discussed some of the questions that were raised.

Questions?


Grief is real, and marriages struggle when grief is entered into it.

How do you help a spouse through grief?

How do you understand it?

What is the best way to work with a spouse with different aspirations than you? How do you support your spouse who is the breadwinner?
Video Podcast

4- WEAPONIZATION

WARNING ... this one may offend you and/or your spouse. Use caution.

Have you or a loved one ever held something to use later in a fight? Do we weaponize things to just get into a fight? Do we think we hate fighting but based on our actions, it seems like we like it?

Steps To Success ...

1. Realize that we do it.
    > This can be tricky because maybe the "nice" spouse might be the one who does it.
2. Understand deeply that we don't really get what we want.
     > We SAY we want _____________, but when we look at what we DO, it's clear those things aren't in alignment. 
3. Catch it before it starts.
     > If our spouse asks us if anything is wrong, if we have any issues, anything we have been hurt by ... and we say "No" ... and then ... when our spouse says something we don't like, then we pull out the weapons, that's on us for not dealing with things as an adult ... as we should.
If you would like to share this with your spouse, but you know they won't like it, they will resist it, they will get angry at you then you most likely have a spouse who weaponizes things and has "taught you to not bring up anything they don't like."
Audio Podcast
Give your spouse this link. Obviously, if you are giving them this link you don't think of them as "one of those spouses" :-) which is great. If you don't challenge them you will either grow and there will be more distance from them and the marriage will die, even if you're still together. Or ... maybe you will join your spouse in being just like them and that's not going to work well for you. 
Video Podcast

Summary:

Which of these four shapes would you tend to like the most? A cube, a pyramid, a wavy line or a ball? Which of these four things would cause you the most frustration in any area of life ... Out of Order, Out of Control, Boring / Not Fun, Conflict with others?

If you chose the Ball and/or Conflict with Others, you likely will be the amiable personality. What does that mean? It may mean that one of your strengths might be your concern and compassion for people ... and maybe a weakness you may have is ... well ... your concern and compassion for people. See ... our greatest strength, is often our greatest weakness and our greatest weakness is our greatest strength misapplied. It's taking our strength too far. As we learn more about ourselves ... we better understand others as well.
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This Podcast will encourage you and help you heal!!!

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

~ Table Of Contents - click here for direct link ~

Specific Topics

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