Voices of Integrity
A Letter From My Heart
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To my 7 children ...
I am so very sorry!!! I failed every one of you, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't realize it. A number of you think I failed and we can all agree to that. Trust me, I believe I failed you all far more than you all think I failed you.
The big picture failure is that I thought that the Christian church would help me raise you all, and you know ... the destruction / decimation that we as a family experienced is beyond anything I could have imagined. I trust the Christian system ... and it failed me and our family. I trusted the teachers / educators and they were an enemy to each of you and are family. I trusted the medical community ... and they created an addiction that contributed to the death of one of your siblings and has messed up others as well.
I'm mad as hell. Not at all those who contributed to the epic failure many of you all experienced in your lives but mad that I didn't see it wasn't strong enough to overcome it. The church said to "trust God," but what they meant was to trust the pastors / leaders.
I have never trusted the media, technology, or government, so whatever damage was done due to those areas is on me and you.
I trusted the law enforcement and overall, they have done well for our family, for which I will be forever thankful ... but ... realize that this is not the case for everyone.
Your mother and I stuck with it through thick and thin. I worked my ass off so your mother could be a stay at home mom for each of you. That wasn't enough. We home-schooled the three oldest, and now one of them is dead. The four youngest ... I'm so very sorry. I tried so very hard to support your passions, interests and help you discover your life vision and become who you were created to be. It wasn't enough!
Your mother and I attended a Baptist church three times a week until a fearful pastor, Dale Williams, and a clueless uncle, pastor Ken Boersma, who was the associate pastor, kicked your father out because he dared to question them and then ostracized most of your friends from you. I am sorry ... kids. The final chapter hasn't been written on that.
You experienced the GARBC "General Association of Regular Baptist Churches ignoring your grandfather Duane Ehrler, sexual abuse of his daughter / your mother for 7 years. You experienced a pastor you grew up with and your own uncle who was a pastor attacked your father for questioning them ... and then both are impotent ~ weak ~ spineless men who couldn't / wouldn't do anything to seek truth and protect other young children.
Kids, my hope is that whatever pain, hurt, woundedness due to your father's lack of ability to protect you ... will empower you all to become powerful warriors for helping others to not have to go through what you all have endured.
To all my grandchildren, someday you'll read this, and I trust that you know your grandfather loves you more than life itself! I am so sorry for any pain that I have caused you through my failure in your parents' lives. Grandpa ... cries and cries a lot ... to see the world that I and a lot of other Christian White Males over 50 years old (CWM50+).
I'm mad as hell (grandpa is 61 years old now, so he can say that) ... and I'm seeking to do everything possible to help you and all future generations ... as ... I know that I contributed to the world as it is. I'm seeking to be HUMBLE, to take OWNERSHIP, and to be THANKFUL for what I have been blessed with, as I know that I have so very much to be thankful for.
I could share how I'm proud of each of you ... in certain areas. I see each of you as gifts from God, and I am the man I am today, in large part due to each of you! Thank you!
Each of you was created in the image of God and created to be amazing. Seek every day to become who you were created to be.
Know that I love you all more than life itself.
Love,
Dad
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